phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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