My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have aggressive nipples.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
