I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
