The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if only i could text you this smell
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
