There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
