I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just had sex bonerless
In America we eat man semen.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
