I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
