Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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