peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize