I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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