Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
