11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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