McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
