Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
