im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Randomize
