we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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