can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The feeling are messing with the penis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
