Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
