Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
