dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
