i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
