Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
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The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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