Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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