I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
