how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
