i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
