She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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