Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Everyone says I win the strip club
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
