I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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