He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
