I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
