Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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