After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
