somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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