who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Holy sore nipples Batman
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
