just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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