PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
