We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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