I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
