we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
