I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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