a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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