did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
