I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
