I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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