all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
