bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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