I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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