just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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