I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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