so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
