The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
