Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
