you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
