Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
