she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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