i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
