There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
