College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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