This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
