As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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